Sunday Reflect — Adoption

“Adopting one child won’t change the world, but for that child, the world will be changed.”

Adoption is a beautiful thing. When someone can open their home and their heart to a child, it truly moves mountains. I don’t think that I could ever do it, which is why I admire the heck out of people who can. I, myself, was adopted at the age of six by two people who were unable to reproduce on their own but whose hearts were built for love.

National adoption day was last Saturday, November 30th. As such, I felt it necessary to reflect on my own adoption process and, as with most stories, we have to start at the beginning to understand the outcome.

When I was a child of about 4 years old, I lived with my Grandma. I don’t remember moving in with her, all I remember is living there. We lived in a trailer house two doors down from my parents and two siblings. In those days, I went to church every Sunday, I went to school every day, and I was very well cared for. But sometimes good things can’t last. My Grandma passed away when I was 5 while I was the only one in the house. I remember my mom coming over in the car and I leaned out the door and spoke the words, “Grandma won’t wake up.”

From then on, the whirlwind of my life began. I lived with my parents, I lived with my Uncle, I lived with my Aunt, I was taken by someone without my parents’ permission, and finally I lived with Kristen. While I was living with my Uncle in Motel 6 in Guthrie, OK, I met a girl my age in preschool named Tori. She asked me to stay the night with her one night and I ended up staying weeks with her. Kristen found out about the bruises on me left by my biological father, the bruises that I never thought meant anything. Listen to me, spanking your children is not wrong, but the spankings we got were a bit excessive. Once she found out, she kept me away from my Uncle in order to keep me away from my family. She asked my parents many times if they would ever consider giving me up for adoption because she knew a family who wanted me. My mother kept saying no, she wanted me, she wanted to keep me. But I was never home. Finally, she gave in and agreed to let me go.

The night that I was taken, I was given the choice. Kristen was there, along with two other people I didn’t know. I was asked by my biological father if I wanted to go with these two people that I had never seen in my life. I answered without thinking, because I was used to leaving. I said yes, without understanding what it meant. My mom took me into the bathroom and started crying. I didn’t understand what was so sad, she was going to see me in a couple of weeks, like always. She told me to be good and to be happy. My older brother came in and he started crying. I comforted them, confused on why this time would be any different from any of the other times I left… After that moment, I went outside to play with my siblings and I got my leg caught in a fence (I was a real tomboy, back in the day). I remember the woman I didn’t know running around the corner and helping me get out and running off to go play again.

When the sun went down, I was loaded into the backseat of a white Ford Explorer and I was off. That night I was scared out of my wits by two people that would come to be known as my Grandparents. In their defense, I was the first grandchild, but they boar down upon me telling me that they were going to feed me and water me and love me etc. That would straight up scare any 6 year old who had ever seen It Takes Two with Mary-Kate and Ashley. After getting the crap scared out of me, I wondered outside with my new life-sized pink rabbit and I fell asleep in the backseat of the car, where I wasn’t found until much later in the evening. I don’t remember the rest of the night, but I do remember being afraid of my new Dad. I guess that can carry over when you were afraid of the Dad you had before…but it was unsolicited fear. My new parents were great. They gave me snacks and they let me have my very own bedroom with my very own television that I could watch my very own VHS tapes on. It was a new life and I was happy.

I was happy except for my intense longing for my little sister.

To this day, the truth behind my adoption hasn’t reached my ears. What I remember is what I’ve said thus far and trust me, it’s just as confusing to me as it might be to you. I grew up in a home with lots of love and dogs and happy Christmases with cousins and grandparents. I was and am a very lucky girl to have had two people who opened their home to me and took me in without even knowing what I looked like that night, February 19, 1999. The love that I have received throughout the years is second to none and the love that I have felt for my family is resilient and real.

To all the adoptive parents out there, you are amazing. I cannot imagine doing what you do.

X-E