Single Life

“The thing about being single is…you should cherish it. Because in a week or a lifetime of being alone, you may only get one moment; one moment when you’re not tied up in a relationship with anyone: a parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend…one moment when you stand on your own. Really, truly single. And then…it’s gone.” — Dakota Johnson, How to be Single

Hello friends! This week I wanted to open up about the life I’ve lived over the past year. The single life I’ve lived. It has officially been over a year since I literally kissed my last relationship goodbye (it was a very sad and heartfelt break up, if I’m honest), I feel like I should tell you how life has really been and the changes I’ve undergone and the growth I have experienced. So! Welcome to yet another blog about growth from your ole pal Emily!

Now, when I say my break up was heartfelt, it truly was. He helped me gather all my things from his house while we both shed tears of grief for the love that we were choosing to turn away from. And when we got to the door, I looked him in the eyes and told him that we would not be getting back together this time, this is it. This is goodbye. He agreed and we hugged each other, not wishing ill of the other in any way. I drove off without looking back and we have not spoken since that day, October 12th 2019. I hear things through the grapevine about him and I truly wish nothing but happiness for this human. He is not a bad person. We just…weren’t right for each other, no matter how much we wanted to be.

That day, my best friend left her watch party for OU v TX. Her mother in law drove her home from the party and got out of the car to tell me that I AM enough and that I AM worthy of love and that if I need ANYTHING, she is only a phone call away. I will never forget that moment. It was truly sweet. After Shirley left, Katie and I did what we always do when I go through a break up: drowned ourselves in wine bottles. Yes I am aware that that is not healthy, but it is what it is. Our other friend came over to offer her support and she even held me while I fell asleep that night. My friends are the best.

I had so much support through the break up that it encouraged me to take my whole life back. I finally started this blog, a mere 5 days post break up, after talking about it for years. I hopped into writing and even spent money on writing courses. This is what I’ve always wanted to do. This is my true dream. And to this day, when people ask me if I could do anything I wanted, what would it be, I answer: freelance write. Someone asked me that last night and I didn’t even hesitate.

Anyway, life after my break up was a huge adjustment. Obviously, he was the person I talked to about everything…for 3 years, y’all. So, instead of texting or calling him, I would call my friends. What a glorious habit to get into. Eventually, the urges to talk to him evaporated; however, it did take months. And I still think about him sometimes, but instead of with longing, I think of him with good grace and a smile. It took me forever to transfer over from one to the other, but when I did, I felt empowered. For someone like me, who has never stayed single this long, the power that I feel as a single woman is absolutely amazing. I have grown to realize that I do not need the constant companionship of an intimate relationship to be happy. I make myself happy. Did you hear that? I make myself happy.

That’s not to say I don’t get lonely. I for sure do. I go through days of feeling sad and alone in the world, but when I feel that way, I just let it out. I’ll ignore my phone for a while, which may seem counterproductive to some, but to me it’s therapeutic. And when I want to ignore the entire world but still need a little pick me up, I call my dad. My dad always reminds me that I am his favorite person and that I am just not on the same path as the rest of my friends. It’s true, I’m not. And that’s okay.

Over the past year, I have done exactly what I have wanted to do. I went where I wanted to go, spoke to whomever I wanted to speak to, did the things that I have always wanted to do, and found exactly who I am meant to be, without the input of someone else. I am allowed to live my life exactly the way I want to. But, in the words of someone very inspirational to me, “you will never be fully arrived…you will always be arriving.” And I’m not saying you need to be single in order to do this, but for me, I did. I needed the alone time. I’ve grown in my spirituality and have become firm in my beliefs and expectations. I no longer accept negativity into my life. I no longer accept anything less than what I deserve and what I deserve is an immaculate life full of love, laughter, companionship, and acceptance. And of course the occasional dog cuddle and “self-care” (bottle of wine in the bath tub, facemask, essential oil seeping out of my ears) day.

I have learned to love myself and put myself first. I have learned that a relationship is not essential to my happiness, though my mind is no longer closed to the possibility of one. I have learned to open my mind and listen to what others say. I have learned to be kind through the worst of times and to always stand firm in exactly what I believe and what I believe…is that I deserve exactly what I want.

I hope you all have the best weekend!

All the love, from your fave!

X — Your Welch